there is nothing more terrifying than feeling like you are drowning. the swell of life pulling you back and under into the darkness. i have never felt more alone, worthless, ill equipped, guilty, angry, short tempered, jealous, sad...unbelievably sad, than i have felt in the last 10 months.

post partum depression has made me it's bitch.

i have done everything as natural as possible to treat it. everything.

i cannot figure it out. i am at the weakest point of my entire life. i wear it on my face, the heaviness pulls my shoulders down to a sad frown. i don't give a shit about anyone or anything. i feel like most people who were/are in my life have contributed to this. the friends who said they were my best, and yet here i am and they are no where to be found. i read so many blogs and see the faces on instagram and i want to SCREEEEEEEEAM at your perfect lives, with perfect lighting, perfect views, perfect.

trapped. trapped with two of the most gorgeous beings i have ever laid eyes on.

i made the call about 20 minutes ago. big people drugs will be entering my veins soon. hopefully i will have some peace now. some quiet, in my soul. my tears have lost their salt from the constant pour. i want it to end. i NEED it to end.

i am so tired.



everyone loves the pregnant girl.
everyone forgets the post partum girl.

Go! Now!

lisamonique.org That is where I am at today talking about the importance of vitamin D3!

Quinoa Chicken Broccoli & Cheese Casserole- Gluten Free Style

1 Chicken breast

2 tablespoons milk

1 cup cream of chicken soup (homemade, gluten free, see note at the bottom)

1 1/4 cups shredded cheese (cheddar, colby-jack, etc) with extra for the top

1/4 teaspoon black pepper
.
2 cups cooked broccoli

1 1/2 cups COOKED quinoa (see note)



.
To cook quinoa:

3/4 cup quinoa

1 1/2 cups water

1/4 teaspoon salt

I use Bob's Red Mill quinoa which is already rinsed and ready to cook.

.
Rinse quinoa in a fine sieve until water runs clear. In a small saucepan combine the quinoa, water, and salt. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low and cover. Cook for 18-20 minutes, or until fluffy and the white ring/tail is visible. Fluff with a fork.

Cook thawed chicken breast in a tablespoon of olive oil until cooked through with no raw center. Cut into small cubes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and coat a shallow (8×8 in or 5-6 cups) casserole dish – or individual ramekins – with vegetable cooking spray.

In a large bowl combine the soup, milk, shredded cheese and pepper until well mixed. Stir in the quinoa, broccoli and chicken.
Spoon mixture into prepared casserole. Sprinkle on a handful (or two...or three!!) and bake for 35-40 minutes (20-25 minutes for ramekins) or until bubbly on the edges and golden. Makes 8 generous 1/2-cup servings.



Condensed “Cream of Anything” Soup
(this stuff is delicious and a great gluten free substitute)

1 cup cold milk
2 Tbsp cornstarch
1 1/2 Tbsp butter
1 tsp chicken bouillon
1/2 tsp salt
dash of pepper

Instructions
In a small saucepan, whisk milk and cornstarch till well blended.
Stir in butter, bouillon, salt, and pepper.
Heat to a boil, stirring frequently. Simmer on low for one minute more to thicken.
Use in recipes to replace one can of cream of anything soup.

CONDENSED CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP:
Stir in a drained 4 ounce can of mushroom pieces to the recipe above.
Use in recipes in place of one can of Cream of Mushroom Soup.

CONDENSED CREAM OF CHICKEN SOUP:
Stir in 1/2 cup cooked chicken pieces to the recipe above.
Use in recipes in place of one can of Cream of Chicken Soup.

CONDENSED CREAM OF CELERY SOUP
Stir in 1/2 cup sautéed chopped celery to the recipe above.
Use in recipes in place of one can of Cream of Celery Soup.


ENJOY!!!

Tomorrow I will be featured on LisaMonique.org talking about the amazing benefits of vitamin D3! Make sure to go and check it out!

Gluten Free Peanut Butter Cookies

These are absolutely amazing and soooo easy! I used all natural peanut butter and organic cane sugar. Next time I am going to try sweeting with agave nectar, yummy!

1 cup of peanut butter
1 cup of sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon of baking soda


Directions
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
In a medium bowl, mix together the peanut butter, sugar, egg, and baking soda until well blended. Roll dough into 1 inch balls, and place on ungreased cookie sheets.
Bake for 6 to 8 minutes in the preheated oven. Cool on cookie sheets until set, before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

I found these on Pinterest and I believe they will be a staple in my diet!

(my personal photo of these delicious little gems!)