“When love becomes labored we welcome an act of infidelity towards ourselves to free us from fidelity” Francois de la Rochefoucauld
Before anyone gets any crazy ideas I want to be very clear that nor me or my husband have cheated on each other. This does relate to someone very close to me. Just wanted to be clear.
I have never understood why people cheat. It seems to me that it would be easier to break up and save yourself some trouble. It doesn't seem to work that way. Virtually everyone I know has either been cheated on or have cheated. A recent email I read from someone who had started the "process" of an affair wrote that it was and I quote "A RUSH".
A rush. I get it. I get a rush from shopping at Target. Not from fucking someone that happens to be in my life. But I am not a cheater.
I am a firm believer that we were not created to be monogamous creatures. There is scientific evidence to back this up (Biological evidence (i.e., research on biology and reproduction) indicates that long-term monogamy is difficult for humans to achieve - NOT impossible, but difficult (see, Barash and Lipton or the myth of monogamy - Salon.com) and I know some of you will completely disagree, but I am a realist. I don't see fairies and rainbows every time Nick walks in the room, I understand that it takes work to make a relationship, well, work. This is what I think separates the people who don't cheat from the people who do. That is solely my opinion. I don't accept any excuse that cheaters give. Their reasons are like why a drunk person is allowed to do whatever they want and get by with it because they are drunk. Some things in life you don't get to give an excuse, you just accept what you did and accept that the decision you made could quite possibly change your life forever and you no longer get to call the shots.
So this is my question. Is it true that once you're a cheater you will always be a cheater? I am at a loss. I don't get it. It hurts families. It rips the person apart. What is the rush in that?
4 comments:
i still ask myself the same thing. clueless.
people can change...
Tough question. I do not believe in "once a cheater always a cheater", however, you can be sure I could never trust someone who has cheated, even if they say they have changed. When does the next time come that they crave another "rush"? Will they go on a shopping spree to Target or will they cheat again? Who's to say? There is no clear answer. I also think there is a difference in someone who cheats because a marriage has been rocky for some time and their emotional needs have been all but trampled on...and the person who cheats simply for a rush. Although I must clarify that I also am not a cheater so I see no excuse for either reason I just listed. Too long of a comment?? Sorry...I got carried away...
people are different, situations are different. while i'm sure some are, not all "cheaters" are in it for the rush. some people are serial cheaters and others find themselves in a difficult situation, never having meant to cheat or to be careless with another human heart.
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