Spring is taunting me with it's warmth and blooms. Today it has tucked itself away in the clouds giving us a cool 60 degrees and I am dreaming that next week will bring even warmer weather. I am dreaming of a life without dizziness....again. It's a constant dream. Life before head injury is turning into far away memories. I don't know if I have even told the blog world that all of my dizziness was figured out. I have post concussive syndrome. I have never put two and two together while going to doctor after doctor trying to figure this out. It was finally diagnosed in November 2010.
In early 2009 (feb or early march) I was cleaning my bathroom. In this particular bathroom there was a long cabinet, about 5 feet, that went right above the sink and below the mirror. It went out past the sink about a foot. I was alway bumping into it. This particular evening I was picking up laundry that missed the basket. I didn't realize that I had squated right under the cabinet. I stood up full force into the damn thing. I hit the left side of my head, side and back, with such force that I blacked out. It was so loud that Nick came running in there, scared that I had fallen. I didn't black out for long, he helped me up and I started sobbing. I remember feeling like such a baby, but it hurt so bad I couldn't even think straight. Shortly thereafter I expierenced my first full blown, don't touch me, throwing up, no noise, keep the lights off migraine.
This has been a long journey. I question daily, why me? Why didn't I pay attention to what I was doing? Why?!?!?!?! The sad thing is this wasn't the first time this has happened. When I was 18 I stood up into a cabinet (they hate me!!). I had to go to the emergency room and found out I had a bad concussion. Also when I was 18 I was in a bad wreck that caused my head to bounce off of the dashboard. Needless to say I have had quite a bit of head trauma in the last 10 years of my life. It all just finally caught up with me.
This syndrome could get better, and I am hoping with everything I have that it will. I want to open my eyes and feel no dizziness, no pressure, no headaches, no emotional breakdowns, no depression, no anxiety. I will open my eyes and be back to where I was in 2008. I will. I know it! So today I dream. I dream of myself this summer. Driving. Playing. Running. I dream of myself next year and the year after. I dream of myself healthy and strong. My dreams are powerful. They always have been.
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